I’ve known for years that I wanted to be a writer (check out some of my older posts on the subject), but somehow, one day, I just stopped. I haven’t even participated in National Novel Writing Month in two years. I can’t even remember the last time I touched my beloved manuscript.
So what’s holding me back?
I’m afraid of going back. I’m afraid that if I go back, I won’t be as good. I’m afraid I’ll realize that all my ideas were crap.
I had built a huge, complicated world, with several different races and languages.
But now I’m afraid people will say its too much, too complicated, that I’m just trying to be like JRR Tolkien or George RR Martin. I’m worried they’ll think my characters are Mary Sues.
I’m letting it hold me back, and I’m sitting here writing an angsty post about it, instead of just trying to restart.
I’m not even sure how I want to start. Do I redo the entire manuscript? The first book always seemed boring to me, does that mean I need to change it (there’s an entire plot line that I’m 90% sure I’m going to remove, so I can get to the fun parts sooner). Should I try to edit what I have, or just accept that my writing style has changed and I need to rewrite all of it?
Has my writing style changed?
What is my writing style?
Where is my manuscript? Have I lost it? (update: I found it)
Why do I have a folder in my Microsoft Word Online titled “Vampires Vs. Zombies?” (turns out it was a really weird school project that I forgot about).
I’m spending all my time worrying about what will happen if and when I return to my writing, so much so that I’ve but it off, which only makes that anxiety worse. I just need to take a deep breath and take the plunge, and get back into my story.
I can do this.
I believe in myself.